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In my head May 29, 2009

Posted by Peeps in random stuff.
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My mother has been calling me hidebound for most of my life.  My wife simply rolls her eyes and thinks I’m silly.  People that have known me for years simply think I’m nuts.  None of these things are true.  Well, not entirely.

I have standards.  When I was small, I watched the example that my mother set for me.  I arrive at work on time.  I pay my taxes.  I try to avoid breaking laws.  That sort of thing.  It’s a responsible way to lead my life.  But somewhere along the way, I started making decisions on the little things that don’t really matter.  Except, in a way, they do.

For instance, in my strange little world dress shirts are white.  That’s it.  Casual wear is up to you.  But something for sale claiming to be a dress shirt does not come in pink.  Or blue.  Or anything other than white.  A corollary to this idea is that there is no such thing as a short-sleeved dress shirt.

This is one of the firm rules that I live by.  I don’t apologize for the way I am.  This is the way I attempt to order my little corner of reality.

Years ago, driving in Short Hills, New Jersey, I saw one of the oddest things I’ve ever encountered.  A white stretch Volvo limosine.  I started laughing so hard I almost ran off the road.  Part of this was just because it was silly looking.  But part of it was that it violated a rule.  Limosines are black.  And never anything outlandish.  Stretch Hummers are not dignified.  And way silly.

Buying cheap booze is wrong.  Life is too short for that.  I don’t need to get ridiculous, but I’ll be damned if I ever spend money on Cold Duck or Bud.  What is offered to me free by people is another thing entirely.  But I still limit myself.  Cheap booze also causes pain.

Books are never to be defaced, bent, written in, folded or damaged.  Or thrown.  Throwing books is never good.  Even when you’ve given up on Crime and Punishment four pages into it.  That was one of the few time I broke one of my rules.  And when a cranky three year-old threw a book at me years back, I was way more upset about the throwing of the book than the fact that it hit m in the face.

These are an example of the rules I live by.  There are lots more.  Way more than most people think are needed.  They don’t have to make sense to you.  They have to make my world seem orderly.  But they’re important no matter what.  If you have no standards, you have nothing.

Of course, I may be more deranged than I thought.  Anything is possible.

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Comments

1. Heather Solos - May 29, 2009

Oh, I get the book thing. For a couple years we attended a church that encouraged members to write in their bibles I never could adjust to that idea.
I had the same problem in college with highlighting or otherwise defacing textbooks.I am comfortable with my neurosis. 😉

Mazco34 - May 29, 2009

Believe me, Heather, Peeps is SERIOUS about his books. I was lucky enough to be allowed to borrow a book from his collection, provided I returned it in pristine condition.
And it was a HUGE book – Stephen King’s “The Stand” I emptied my briefcase just so I could carry it.

Toy Lady - May 29, 2009

Yeah, and guess who now dusts all those Stephen King books?

You would not BELIEVE how many dust puppies I sweep and vacuum and pledge . . .

Get it – dust puppies? 😆 There are dust kitties in the basement lair. 😉

Toy Lady - May 29, 2009

Heather, I’ve actually gotten into the habit of using post-it notes – I have a problem actually writing in a book, too, so all my cookbooks and such have about a million little sticky notes sticking out of the sides and the tops. . . 🙄

Peeps - May 29, 2009

There is nothing wrong at all with keeping books in good condition. Books are our friends.

2. Mazco34 - May 29, 2009

Dress shirts are still white? Are ties still ridiculously skinny?

And brother, just know one thing: you are the sanest deranged man I have ever met.

Peeps - May 29, 2009

Dress shirts will always be white. All the skinny ties are in a closet, just waiting until they’re needed again. And thanks. I think.


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