Thing #30 – I’ll Have Oatmeal August 12, 2009Posted by Toy Lady in 101 Things.
So here we are – another month, another Thing!
So first, a little background. I used to have lovely, straight teeth. A few years back, I noticed that maybe one of my front teeth seemed a little . . . crooked. Sort of. And maybe sticking out a little. Or maybe that was my imagination. Whatever. . .
Then one day, I went to the dentist’s office for a routine cleaning, and the hygienist mentioned that she was detecting a little “motion” there. In my front tooth. Nothing to be too concerned about, at least not yet, but . . . yeah, I’m going to want to start thinking about it.
Oh, I thought about it, all right. I thought about how very attractive and sexy it would be to be, say, in a nice restaurant, biting into a lovely steak, and losing my front tooth.
Great. Just put me in a pair of bib overalls and a flannel shirt, and start the banjo music.
Or maybe that’s not the way it would happen. Maybe it would just get looser and looser, and it would fall out while I was sleeping and I’d choke to death on my own tooth.
The fact is that I also used to smoke. In fact, I smoked for 26 years. And, not surprisingly, I’ve also had some periodontal problems – regular infections, receding gums, and an increased need for cleanings. And smoking does cause bone damage – there’s no reason to think my teeth or jaws would have been exempt from such damage, is there?
Now don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying that smoking caused my tooth to get all weird. But I’m not NOT saying it, either. And certainly it didn’t help. (Did smoking ever actually HELP anything?)
Anyway, ultimately, my only option is to pull the tooth before it falls out.
No worries there, right? After all, there’s very little more attractive than a thirty-thirteen woman with missing teeth, is there? Oh, but not to worry. They’ll fit me for a “partial.”
Better and better. Toothless AND false teeth. Kinda makes a girl feel young and sexy, doesn’t it?
However, it’s the nature of these sort of things that they don’t really get better – they get worse. It eventually got to the point where something needed to be done, so last spring, I scheduled The Procedure. Then, because of work demands (100% TRUTH) I had to reschedule.
And as it turned out, I was visiting the dentist in the morning and the vet in the afternoon. And fun was had by all. I ended up having two teeth pulled – my front tooth and a molar that’s been giving me trouble.
Now I look like a hockey player, only not as buff.
ARE hockey players buff?
All this was the day before our wedding anniversary and the accompanying dinner, which is why I had salmon instead of meat. Not that the salmon was BAD – I just wouldn’t have ordered it if I could chew, that’s all.
Regardless, the old teeth are out, and the new teeth are in. The dentist actually had a ring of paint chips to match the exact color.
I’m learning to get used to the idea that I’m now wearing false teeth.
I know. The proper term is “a plate” but let’s be honest. It’s two fake teeth that I stick in my mouth.
Can you say “old lady”?
On the bright side, I can smile again without feeling like a total yokel.
Then, last week, I received a “statement” from the dentist. It reflected what I’d paid, plus a balance.
So I called them. I thought I’d paid in full. Oh, well, they said, there’s a note in the file:
Patient was given senior discount. Patient is not a senior citizen.