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Operation Living Out Loud January 5, 2011

Posted by Toy Lady in Living Out Loud, mirth & woe, Musings, random stuff.
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One of my favorite bloggers has got to be Barb Cooper – she’s one of the few people I’ve “friended” on FaceBook that I’ve never met in person.  I could count those on one hand.  Of course, I could count the FaceBook “friends” that I actually have met in person on the other hand.  I’m not all that social, really.

One thing I love about Barb is that she’s just nice.

I don’t mean nice in the normal sense.

Barb is a genuinely nice person.  She’s kind and thoughtful.

Of course, she’s from The South, which explains a lot.  I should know.  If there’s anyone nicer than someone from The South, it’s got to be someone from The Midwest.

I think it’s kind of a toss-up, actually.

Barb is from Texas, and I’m from Wisconsin.  Now I’m in upstate New York – and she’s in downstate New York.

And I think, like me, she spends a lot of time in her head.

I do that.  A lot.

And when I read my friend’s words

I felt like a kid with her nose pressed to the glass, watching all the other kids get to have fun.

I knew I’d found a kindred spirit.  I’ve felt that way most of my life.

I thought back to so many times I’ve felt . . . less than.

Less than others.

Less than worthy.

Less than as good.

And I realized – I’m just as good, just as worthy, as anyone else.

What I think of as “self-effacing humor?”  That’s really nothing more than knocking myself.

You know, several years ago, Peeps and I were in a used bookstore, which is a dangerous place for either of us, let me tell you!

But we were in this bookstore, and I noticed him checking each and every volume of a particular title, trying to find the least-worn, best copy.

Me?  I’d have chosen the most beat-up copy, and left the “better” ones for someone who “deserved” them.

After all, I’d hate to make anyone wait while I chose the one I wanted.

But you know what?

I deserve the best, too.

I noticed this inclination back then, and it kind of raised a flag for me.

And I’ve spent a great deal of time processing it, I guess.

Then, along came Barb, who shed this light on it.

I’m EMBARRASSED over attracting any type of attention which might be negative. I am embarrassed over being imperfect.

Y’all.

That’s just…that’s just…THAT’S CRAZY.

And you know, that could have been me saying that.  (Without the “y’all” part, of course.)

But still.

Why shouldn’t I choose what’s best for me?

Why not be proud of who I am?  Why not choose what I want?

Nobody’s perfect – and I’m no more imperfect than anyone else.

That, and no one probably notices – or cares – anyway.

Not that I care about what anyone else notices, of course.  I’m just saying.

So here it is.  From here on out, I’m doing my best to Live Out Loud – I’m Popeye – I Yam What I Yam and That’s All I Yam.

And y’all can just live with it.

 

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Comments

1. Barb Cooper - January 5, 2011

One of the things I am learning is that you cannot fully love others unless you believe yourself worthy of love and connection. It seems very counterintuitive and dang, it’s hard. IF you get a chance, I really recommend reading Brene (There’s an accent over the last ‘e’ that I can’t seem to type) Brown’s book The Gifts of Imperfection. It has changed my life.

Thanks for saying such nice things. And right back at you, dear one. I can’t wait to see how loud we are by the end of this year!!!

You know, Barb, I KNOW what to do, it’s putting it in practice where I get hung up. I will look for that book – you’ve mentioned her before, and I, um, kind of forgot. 😳

2. judy - January 5, 2011

WONDERFUL Kris. When I first “met” you I saw your specialness and hooked into that way back when at the Q. There are very few people I connect to either and when I do my heart is warmer. You have shared a lot of you and yours with me and I thank you so much. Step out and step up just like you did because you are. I like what Barb says too!

Aw, Judy. (((((hugs)))))


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