Operation Living Out Loud January 5, 2011Posted by Toy Lady in Living Out Loud, mirth & woe, Musings, random stuff.
One of my favorite bloggers has got to be Barb Cooper – she’s one of the few people I’ve “friended” on FaceBook that I’ve never met in person. I could count those on one hand. Of course, I could count the FaceBook “friends” that I actually have met in person on the other hand. I’m not all that social, really.
One thing I love about Barb is that she’s just nice.
I don’t mean nice in the normal sense.
Barb is a genuinely nice person. She’s kind and thoughtful.
Of course, she’s from The South, which explains a lot. I should know. If there’s anyone nicer than someone from The South, it’s got to be someone from The Midwest.
I think it’s kind of a toss-up, actually.
Barb is from Texas, and I’m from Wisconsin. Now I’m in upstate New York – and she’s in downstate New York.
And I think, like me, she spends a lot of time in her head.
I do that. A lot.
And when I read my friend’s words
I felt like a kid with her nose pressed to the glass, watching all the other kids get to have fun.
I knew I’d found a kindred spirit. I’ve felt that way most of my life.
I thought back to so many times I’ve felt . . . less than.
Less than others.
Less than worthy.
Less than as good.
And I realized – I’m just as good, just as worthy, as anyone else.
What I think of as “self-effacing humor?” That’s really nothing more than knocking myself.
You know, several years ago, Peeps and I were in a used bookstore, which is a dangerous place for either of us, let me tell you!
But we were in this bookstore, and I noticed him checking each and every volume of a particular title, trying to find the least-worn, best copy.
Me? I’d have chosen the most beat-up copy, and left the “better” ones for someone who “deserved” them.
After all, I’d hate to make anyone wait while I chose the one I wanted.
But you know what?
I deserve the best, too.
I noticed this inclination back then, and it kind of raised a flag for me.
And I’ve spent a great deal of time processing it, I guess.
Then, along came Barb, who shed this light on it.
I’m EMBARRASSED over attracting any type of attention which might be negative. I am embarrassed over being imperfect.
That’s just…that’s just…THAT’S CRAZY.
And you know, that could have been me saying that. (Without the “y’all” part, of course.)
Why shouldn’t I choose what’s best for me?
Why not be proud of who I am? Why not choose what I want?
Nobody’s perfect – and I’m no more imperfect than anyone else.
That, and no one probably notices – or cares – anyway.
Not that I care about what anyone else notices, of course. I’m just saying.
So here it is. From here on out, I’m doing my best to Live Out Loud – I’m Popeye – I Yam What I Yam and That’s All I Yam.
And y’all can just live with it.